spreading the worst
by toxipraline
Summary: "Anyone could tell how angry and moody she has been, and no one even attempted to get a glimpse of what she really felt. And mostly, she felt sorrow."—[one-shot] [very quickly written]


Moonlight bathed the WindClan camp dimly while the clouds above covered most of the night sky. Sometimes one could make out Silverpelt twinkling between the occasional openings of the wisps, though. A mild breeze carried the scent of leaf-fall, along with the promise of rain later on.

Nightcloud was seated in her nest under the gorse bush that was the nursery. She was restless. She was always restless. Her amber gaze was fixed on a shape outside - it could hardly be made out, but the queen could recognize it from countless fox-lengths away.

Crowfeather sat out there, unmoving, his head raised as if he was searching for the stars. The wind stirred his fur a few times, but other than that, the tom didn't move at all.

Nightcloud felt torn as a surge of many mixes emotions hit her like a fierce wave. Anyone could tell how angry and moody she has been, and no one even attempted to get a glimpse of what she really felt. And mostly, she felt sorrow.

With a heavy sigh, she settled into the moss under her, carefully sliding her flank next to Breezekit, gingerly curling her tail around his sleeping form. Watching her son, Nightcloud didn't try to suppress her lips twitching into a smile. Ever since the Breezekit had been born, she couldn't help feeling as if he was the only thing she had left. And she was the only thing he had as well, for it seemed like he had no father anymore.

Nightcloud laid her head on her forepaws, gaze glazed as she returned to watching her so-called-mate's figure. What could anyone even call their relationship? Technically, they were a family, the three of them - but in a strong sense, they seemed far from one. So far.

Nightcloud knew. She already knew that Crowfeather never loved her, not even when he started to pay more attention towards her. She had been so happy back then; all her Clanmates had realized just how much she admired the tom. When they grew closer and closer towards each other, she felt happy. She believed everything will go all well.

Oh, was she wrong.

Yes, Nightcloud indeed knew. She was aware of the fact that Crowfeather only loved Leafpool.

When the two cats returned from StarClan knows where they ran off to, Nightcloud hoped Crowfeather could finally forget about that mange-ridden she-cat. Leafpool was another Clan's medicine cat, so what did she and Crowfeather expect? Their relationship could never work out!

Nightcloud saw the looks they exchanged before WindClan left ThunderClan's camp after the badger attack. The two pair of eyes gave away everything.

Even now, thinking back about it, made Nightcloud want to yowl out of pain. No matter how many times she told herself she hated Crowfeather for ignoring her, and most of all, their son, she was never able to not love the tom. She _loved_ Crowfeather, and it hurt more than anything for he could never be truly hers.

She hid every confusing emotion, and instead tried to put a distance between herself and Crowfeather. Well, she was doing the very same thing as him, true, but she couldn't bear it anymore.

She had been so excited when Breezekit was born. Every single day, she awaited his visit, but that never happened. Even if it did, Crowfeather only gave a blank look at his mate and son.

Breezekit attempted to make his father proud and actually notice him, but he failed. Just as Nightcloud has.

"Nightcloud! Let me go!" Wailing broke into her thoughts and snapped back into reality. She lifted her head slowly, blinking quickly several times. Sunlight was seeping through the nursery entrance. Had she slept in?

There was another wail. With a flinch, she whipped her head around - it was Breezekit.

"You're going to choke me-" Breezekit's high-pitched voice was cut off as Nightcloud drew her tail away, and he let out a relieved sigh now that he could breathe again, apparently.

The internal pain she experienced up til now slowly ebbed away, and she gazed fondly at Breezekit. Seeing him always lifted her spirits.

She hardly heard him announce that he was going to find Heatherkit, who seemingly already left the nursery along with her mother, Whitetail.

Even if she didn't have Crowfeather anymore, she still had Breezekit. And even if Breezekit didn't have Crowfeather anymore, he still had Nightcloud.

If getting close to the WindClan warrior only resulted feeling this way, Nightcloud would make sure Breezekit didn't get close either. Crowfeather didn't even want to do so, anyway. She would protect her son with all her might from what she experienced.


End file.
